Monday, November 30, 2020

It's been a year since our miscarriage and we are still waiting for that beautiful blessing. And now it feels as though we need a miracle for this to happen. But we keep the hope that God will work a miracle but the wait is definitely brutal and it feels as though it’s a never ending journey.


I remember that less than a few minutes after posting about our loss people were reaching out to me telling me their stories. A former coworker came and talked to me. We had talked about her children and pregnancies often, but I never knew about her own miscarriage. She told me that it can feel like a club no one ever wants to be a part of, but once you’re in you realize that so many people you know are already members. And with at least one in five pregnancies ending in miscarriage, the odds are that she is right.         

From there I was showered with support. Some people called right away, some waited a month or two to send us a note. I still have a lot of existential questions, but along with leaning on my husband, family, my faith and my community the kind words and stories of few brave women have helped me push through. 

I get question from people asking how I stay so positive or look so happy. In moments of negativity I hold myself hard to God and his promises I know that I will see the victory in my family, sometimes it’s hard to stay positive but that's  when I pray harder and I believe that the hand of God is in my family. Even though it’s been a year there is not a day I have not thought of that baby. But the sharpness and the consistency of the grief dulls. That grief has forever changed me, in many ways for the better. 

One of my favorite songs that has been in my heart during the time I spend with God is; "See the Victory by Elevation" the words spoke to me and I am sure that I will see God's victory in my life and in my small family. 


"But thanks be to God, who give us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
 - 1 Corinthians 15: 57

And that waiting thing? It can be so hard 


In one of those moment when I was feeling frustrated my mother said to me "Ana, sometimes is not about the destination. It is about what God wants to teach you along the journey."


And I have to say that she is so right. 


That doesn't mean that the midst of waiting is not incredible hard. I have shed more than few tears here and there because it's hard to live this journey of waiting. I know this time is a time of growing and I need to think about the end result and be able to look back and be grateful that God who is wiser orchestrated every circumstance more perfectly than I ever could have asked or imagined. 


We know God's timing is perfect and although right now we don't understand, we still know his plan is perfect. Though the pain, the trails, the tears, the obstacles. He is still good and still faithful. We're continuing to stand in faith that our miracle will be here soon. 


If you are in the period of waiting, take heart, my friend. There is beauty that comes from those times of wondering and hoping. There is a journey that can create memories, teaching moments, and bring just as much (if not) joy than arriving at the destination, if we're just willing to look around and take it all in. 


"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope..." 

-Psalm 130:5


Thank you for allowing me to share just a small pieces of this story! I promise to continue to share different pieces in hopes that someone (maybe that’s you) will be reminded that they’re not alone. Sending big hugs your way!


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8

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